Tears stream down your face when you lose something you cannot replace

I just realised that I'd never lost someone close until yesterday, when my mom told me that Uteng, my former babysitter passed away due to illness.

I was so close back then with her, she was practically my second mom. You know what they say about how a career-driven mother tends to leave her child with a babysitter, making them feel bonded with each other? It happened with me. Even when I was growing up and Uteng stopped working for my mom, she always visited me regularly. I always imagined that she was gonna be there forever.

What hurts most is that I've been missing her recently, because the last time she came to my house was about two years ago. I've been looking for her, which wasn't hard 'cos her husband works with my mom and she worked in my aunt's boutique. My mom then told me Uteng was in her hometown of Madiun, and kept getting sick. I never heard from her again, until the news came yesterday.

I just want to see her for one last time, that's all.