One of the saddest things in life...

...has got to be when your baby decided to go on a nursing strike.

Eight moths of Kanti-ness

And they say your personal life's out of the window when you have kids.

Hello, blog.

It's been exactly eight months since Kanti a.k.a Cucit a.k.a Cimit a.k.a Anak was born. Let's for now skip how I'm coping with this little bouncy ball of rascal and write down some of her milestones instead.

At 4 months old, she could sit barely assisted. I should've known something was up when at such young age, she was ready to have a better view of the world.

Sitting together with Kakanda Turtles (plural, yes)

At 5 months old, I started feeding her solid foods because she wasn't doing so well with her growth chart. Galau? Bukan main. I'd tried so hard to nurse her exclusively for six months, and had never thought there would come the time when I had to break that. But then again, I followed my instincts as a mother. And after just a few weeks of solids, her weight curve showed a significant improvement.

Looking a bit forced there...

What was her first food? Smashed avocado. From then on, gradually she tried new foods almost every week, and thank God this solid-feeding department has been quite an easy-peasy for us. Sure, there are times she acted out and refused to eat. But so far, there's been no major drama. My key is to take it slow and not push both myself and Kanti. Mau makan homemade tim sayur, hayuk.. Makan dipotong-potong, hayuk.. Gak mau makan sama sekali? Seduh Promina. Mamah lagi males masak? Seduh Milna. Mamah bosen liat hati sapi? Seduh Cerelac.

Do I hear disapproving sizzles from Mamakokihandal and their avid followers?

Moving on. At 5.5 months old, two of her bottom teeth showed up. It was also her first fever, followed by her first cold. Modar? Of course. Luckily it happened on a weekend so Mamah was helped by Bapak. All good.

Cuddling with Bapak to soothe her first fever

At around 6-7 months, the kid learned how to stand up and even furniture-cruise a little before she could crawl. Again, I should've prepared the house because she started to become mobile.

Oh, the mess!

And just a few weeks ago, she crawled, and my fear came true; Little Miss Mobile just can't stop moving! Now the house is a mess every single day, I can't do anything without her wanting to grab everything I'm holding, my body aches from chasing her around, and I can't let my stuff lying around the house anymore.

Trying to open the white box at the top

So to sum up, it's not getting any easier each day even after eight months. But I somehow still wish she could stay this cute and small forever. Jangan cepet-cepet gede dong, Anaaaak!

:*

The Birth Story, Part I

Let's first say hello to Bob a.k.a Nilakanti Anjani Suryoputro. Baby Kanti was born on Nov. 15, 7.55 a.m., and obviously that is the reason why I haven't written stuff for so long.

She's over a month old now, and slowly we're getting to know each other and how each other works. Don't ask about the lack of sleep I've had in the past month. To describe the night shifts in one word is ancur-ancuran.

Now, about her birth. I, of course, had been dreaming and aiming for a spontaneous delivery, followed by nursing her as early as I could. In my head, I'd been ready to welcome a red, fat baby in the delivery room where I and my husband would hold her with what else but joy.

In reality, none of those happened. A week before Nov. 15, my ob-gyn said a vaginal delivery was unlikely because Kanti was breech and she had her umbilical cord tied around her neck, twice. I was bummed at first, but then I decided not to fret about how she was born, as long as she was born. C-section it is.

A week later, it was time. The night before the procedure, I couldn't sleep at all. Literally hundreds of things was going through my head. But again, I didn't care as long as she was born healthy and happy.

The nurses took me to the OR at around 7 a.m. It felt like what C-section should feel like, according to what I read on the Internet. I could see from that big, round glass above my head the reflection of her being pulled out of my stomach...blue.

I kept asking one of the doctors who stayed near my head where my baby was, and how she was doing. She answered vaguely that the doctors were taking a good care of her. I could hear the sound of those suction tubes being pushed down Kanti's throat and how she let out just a few small cries. I knew something was not right, but somehow, maybe due to the epidural effect, I did not panic.

Thirty minutes later, they were done with me and I was transferred to the recovery room, still no baby. I didn't know what happened, and didn't even know how my baby looked like. A few minutes later Bangun approached me with a smile on his face, but I knew there was a story behind that smile.

Kanti, it turned out, was choked by her umbilical cord, which caused a stress and made her difficult to breathe. Or as the pediatrician said, she had asphyxia, which explained the blue little butt cheeks I saw when I saw her.

A not-breathing baby? Just about my nightmare.

When the doctors ran an initial check-up on her, she also had a hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar condition. She had to take fluid inserted through an IV, and observed in the intensive care unit for any sign of trauma after her short asphyxia. I could not breastfeed her during the most important period of her life, nor could I even hold her.

A baby kept away in the NICU? Another nightmare.

I somehow couldn't bother to cry or be sad. Maybe my emotions were still so messed up. Or maybe I knew she'd be OK in no time. I think it was a bit of both. 

The nurses took her to the recovery room and I was given a chance to kiss her briefly before they continued their way to the NICU.  It was then I realized we had a long road ahead of us to bring her back where she belonged; right with us in our room.